“So this is what the end looks like!!!”, I thought while looking at the dark blue, fast-flowing river water…..
The river which remains mostly calm in the day times roaring high right now, mostly because it is a rainy season and the river is overflowing above the sign of danger, the night is so much darker today as it is no moon’s day …..
The night is as dark as my future, I can hear dogs howling in a distance, maybe they are lamenting over what I am gonna do now, but why will they???? I am not that important to anyone, so maybe they are celebrating……
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, remembered the “happy faces” of my family, murmured ‘I love you and ‘sorry’ to them!!!!! I was standing on the top of the bridge wall, counted 3…….2……….
“Excuse me, I didn’t mean to disturb you but can you please tell me this address” a rough manly voice echoed in my ears, I turned towards him….
There was a man of roughly “55-60 years“, wearing a white kurta and jeans, have an uneven beard, and was looking as if he didn’t shower for ages….
“Excuse me, son, I promise I won’t take a lot of your time, you can continue your important work but just guide me a way to this address” his raspy voice echoed again.
“I don’t know”, I replied in an irritated tone.
He sat on the boundary wall of the bridge on which I was standing a moment ago and said, “what should I do now son????, it seems no one knows this address, I guess I have to wait here for some other pedestrian to pass by so that they can tell me the address, meanwhile you continue what you were doing, I also haven’t seen someone doing suicide before, a new experience for me” he chuckled…
“Do you think this is funny?????” I almost screamed at him…
“No, no I didn’t mean to offend you, son, I was just curious, it is my first time witnessing a suicide, so got a little bit excited” he replied calmly and gestured me to ‘go ahead’ with his hand’s sign.
I focussed on myself again, closed my eyes about to jump but couldn’t do it as I was feeling his eyes starting me constantly…..
I thought of getting rid of him first and asked him to show me the address, he gladly passed over the slip to me, it was some sort of place which gives funding to new startup companies, I have read about that in the newspaper, I looked at him with surprise, why does a man of his age need to start a business from a scratch….
“For your son????” I asked…
“No, no he captured my business and thrown me out of his house, now I live in an old age home and trying to start working again” he replied calmly again…
“At this age, what’s the need??? How????” I gasped looking at him…
“I worked hard all my life, now they all say I can’t work as I am old now, but don’t you think this will be a bit of a challenge for me like I will be famous maybe, I can also imagine the newspaper heading “AN OLD MAN’S STARTUP”, I would be unique from all of the oldies of my age and also an answer for those “who say that I can not do anything”
“I can not do anything” his last line hits me hard, this is what they all say to me, this is what they all make me feel ‘useless‘ and ‘worthless‘, My eyes get teared up a bit…
“Enough about me, young man!!! You tell me why do you want to do this???, see you have plenty of time to jump, right now just chat a little, give me company ” he said
“I used to be a very good student, a topper one, everyone had great expectations from me, my parents used to have immense pride in me, I was there ‘star’, they enrolled me in a good coaching institute, paid a very hefty amount for that, everyone knew that I will clear the exam, I also worked hard but I failed, I tried again and failed again, and now it’s been three years I am failing again and again and that too with a very poor mark,” I started crying…
“My friends are now ahead of me, some are in good colleges, some are doing jobs, even those who were preparing with me for this exam opted for different streams when couldn’t clear the exam and here I am stuck with my boring and monotonous life with no friends, no support and alone…. Even my parents who were very proud of me are now constantly taunting me for my poor marks, I have no one left with me” I told him while trying hard to control my tears …..
“Hmmm, why don’t you opted for another stream like your friends???? Why did you wait for 3 years?? He asked
“Because I really want to clear this exam, this is my dream job, I can not think of anything other than this” I hardly completed the sentence in the mid of crying.
“You know what, that’s what makes you unique my boy, everyone loses hope and change their goals but you, you kept fighting even after scoring low, you could have easily left after your first failure but only you have the guts to live for your dreams, YOU ARE NOT USELESS BOY, YOU ARE JUST UNIQUE, and a boy with such a unique dedication and hard work is giving up life this easily???, Nah,” he said that in a very calming voice.
“But my parents, I can bear everything but I can’t bear that lost respect of mine in their eyes” I replied….
“Hmmm if it’s about your respect then when was the first time you noticed that pride and respect for you in their eyes???” He asked
“When I became my school topper for the first time when I achieved my goals” I replied…
“Exactly, achieve your goals once again and it will come back again, till then focus on what you have ‘respect in the eyes will come and go but their love for you in their hearts will always remain forever despite you being a failure or a topper’ “Are you willing to lose a permanent thing in exchange of something temporary???!!!” He asked
His last line hits me hard, what I was going to do, how did I even think of that, how can I hurt my mother, who prays for my wellbeing daily, how can I hurt my father who’s working day and night for my well being… If this man can start a whole business once again at this age that too without any complaint and remorse, then I have my whole life in front of me to excel again….
“Go, son, start working again, work hard and remember that no exam is the measure of your intelligence, also it is not the last option on the earth to survive….. Just Do your best “. He said and hugged me.
The dark night was over and bright sunshine has welcomed me into life again, I can hear the birds chirping happily at a distance..
“Every child is unique, no matter they are a ‘topper’ or ‘not’ …….”
© Storytime with Shivani, All rights reserved
Also, this was my official entry to pavithra’s competitions……
Update– So I won the second position in this competition, I can not believe it, I am so happy right now 😆😆😆😆😆, Thanks Pavithra for providing me this lovely opportunity……
Also, I was amazed to see the entries of all the other participants, they all did an amazing job…. If you wanna read their entries, click here
WordPress notified me this is my 50th post, I can not believe it, the lazy me can write 50 posts….but here we are